Day 3: Do you know someone else with low self-esteem?
On day 3, you will:
✔️ Reflect on what low self-esteem looks like in others.
✔️ Consider the encouragement you would offer someone struggling with low self-esteem.
✔️ Explore how you can extend that same encouragement to yourself.
Low self-esteem is often easier to spot in others than in ourselves
It’s funny how we can sometimes see low self-esteem in someone else, but totally miss it in ourselves.
You might notice how someone talks, carries themselves, or reacts—and it’s clear something’s off.
But when it comes to our own self-worth, we’re often too close to it to see the full picture. We get used to the way we think, speak, and act. If we’ve felt a certain way for years, it just feels like “who we are,” not a sign of low self-esteem. That’s part of the trap—self-esteem shapes how we see the world.
If we doubt ourselves, that doubt can start to feel like the truth. We assume we’re just being “realistic,” when actually, we’re holding ourselves back.
Now compare that to how we experience other people. When someone walks into a room with quiet confidence, we notice. But we don’t always stop to ask: “Why don’t I carry myself that way?”
Here’s an example of someone with low self-esteem:
Think of a coworker who downplays everything they do. In meetings, they speak softly and often start with, “This might sound dumb, but…” or “Maybe it’s just me…” When they get a compliment, they brush it off or joke about not deserving it. They rarely speak up for themselves, and in conflict, they assume they’re at fault. It’s like they’re constantly trying not to take up space.
Now think of someone with healthy self-esteem:
Maybe it’s a friend who seems grounded and calm. They make eye contact, speak clearly, and don’t second-guess every word. They’re not loud or boastful—they just belong in the room. When they mess up, they admit it and move on. When someone compliments them, they smile and say, “Thanks.” Their confidence isn’t flashy—it’s steady. And that quiet sense of self-worth makes all the difference.
What can we learn from that?
Watching how self-esteem shows up in others can help us reflect on ourselves. Do we shrink back or take up space? Do we soften our voice or dismiss what we bring to the table?
And maybe the most important question of all: Are we treating ourselves with the same kindness we offer to others?
Sometimes, we can spot self-esteem struggles in other people, but have a much harder time recognizing them in ourselves.
How would you support someone else with low self-esteem?
When your self-esteem is low, it’s hard to see yourself clearly. You start believing that you’re not good enough, or that other people are just better in some way.
But here’s a question: what if a friend came to you feeling like that?
You wouldn’t say, “Yeah, you’re right, you kind of suck.” You’d probably be kind. Encouraging. Reassuring.
And the truth is, you deserve to hear those same things from yourself.
Let’s say a friend kept doubting themselves at work. Would you brush it off and say, “Whatever, stop worrying”?
No—you’d remind them how hard they work, how they solve problems, how people rely on them.
Now flip that around.
Can you say to yourself: “I show up. I try hard. I handle things, even when it’s tough”? That’s the truth, too. You might just forget to notice it.
Or maybe you feel unattractive sometimes. You compare yourself to others and thnk you always come up short. If a friend said the same thing, would you agree with them? Of course not. You’d probably remind them that beauty is more than looks.
It’s how someone makes others feel. It’s warmth, humor, energy.
Try saying this to yourself: “I have qualities that matter. People enjoy being around me. I bring something real.”
And what about love? When you feel like you’re not lovable or “enough,” it cuts deep.
But would you ever say that to someone you care about?
Never. You’d say that love isn’t about being perfect—it’s about being there, being real.
And that’s true for you, too. “I don’t need to be perfect to be loved. I’m worthy just as I am.”
The kindness you give to others?
You need that, too.
You deserve it just as much.
Day 3 assignment
Think of a friend struggling with low self-esteem. How would you encourage them? Now, write a short message to yourself using the same kindness and support. Highlight your strengths, remind yourself of your worth, and offer reassurance—just as you would for someone else who needed it.
Well done on completing day 3!
Today, we've started exploring the concept of self-compassion. Individuals with low self-esteem often struggle to extend the same understanding and empathy to themselves that they offer to others. Recognizing this logical error is important—realizing that you are just as important as those around you is an insight that must gradually take root.
Fredrik Hansson
Licensed clinical psychologist